My life has taken a few unexpected turns over the past two years. I have grown. I have changed. It didn’t happen overnight and most people barely noticed at first. But I noticed. I felt the growing pains and wrestled them at night. I fought with great resistance and rebellion. But, we all know that my defeat was inevitable. And, as busy as I kept myself with life, as desperately as I resisted the nudges from my heart, I finally had to surrender.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs
A few months ago, emotionally exhausted and close to my breaking point, I finally sat down and tried to listen to what this wild thing in my chest has been begging me to hear. Not all of it was pretty. But all of it was true. I listened and I cried and often nodded in agreement. And over the next few weeks, as I became reacquainted with my heart, I vowed through all the tears, that I will no longer place other peoples happiness above my own wellbeing. That I will live and speak what is true to my own heart, without apologies, even when it doesn’t agree with the views and beliefs of those around me. I vowed to be present and curious, to rest when I need it, to seek inspiration and wisdom and adventure as often as possible. To cherish my soulmates and celebrate my family. To simplify my life and to focus my attention on the bigger picture. To make time for myself and not apologise for enjoying my solitude. To stay aware and in tune of what my wild heart needs and not what the world is telling me it needs.
My heart is strange and weird and quirky, and I can not always explain the ways it longs to live. I am still learning how to surrender to its design completely. I am still learning to stop apologising for all that is raw and vulnerable behind these fiery walls. I am still learning to understand the lifelong whispers that tremble under my skin. But, what I have learnt, is this: My heart really is my greatest gift from God. A beautiful treasure, captivating and capable of magic – And it will never not live wild again.
“You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say.” – Paulho Coelho